I get the not judging.

I get the standing beside those who are abused. Letting them know we will stand here for as long as it takes, and then some.

I don’t get the damaged goods.

Or rather, I can see how this pattern has reappeared time and again. But I also see someone who has created a safe world for her children, fought for them and herself and shown amazing insight and self-reflection.

I grew up in a pretty volatile environment. As a grown man, I used to end up curled in a ball under furniture. I was continuing the cycle. It was about inflicting pain and then wanting someone to reach out, only to strike out and hurt them badly (mentally). Which led to more guilt and hurt and finally me curled up under something.

And like you, I turned to alcohol and, in my case, a sexual addiction. But with time, I used writing, therapy and self-reflection to start defusing the triggers. Cause man were those triggers f’ing powerful.

Here’s the truth. I’ll always have them. So I get your statement.

But they also don’t have the same power over me as they once did.

I recently had a very disastrous moment where my Mother fired my triggers and HARD. And I reacted.

But something was different. I didn’t stay to experience the hurt and the fake reparations. I just left. I drove away. I left early and had an amazing, spiritual journey across the mid-west.

It bothered me.

But I didn’t let it lay out the usual course. Because I knew the trap that awaited me.

So I just question what would change for you. Not in judgement, but as a friend who has seen what you are capable of.

And I will stand beside you even if you do collapse into old, powerful patterns. No judgement.